Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
