I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
