A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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