i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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