people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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