I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
