There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My penis needs a shock collar
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
