Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
