Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
