Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
