You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
