The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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