i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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