Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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