Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
