you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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