Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
