My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
