her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
