He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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