You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize