WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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