I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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