Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
