1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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