what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
