I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
