You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
