did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The power of my boobs compel you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
