I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
