I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
