Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
