If i come over, it means nothing
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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