she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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