is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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