i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
