y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
