Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
