yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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