I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
