it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
