It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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