at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
