be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
