dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
