I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
