I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
