hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
