Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had sex on a roof
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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