If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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