You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
