Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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