it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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