that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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