my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize