FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
