I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
