Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
