so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
