Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
