Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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