she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
