On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize